Parenting

Watching videos directed towards parents of teenagers was different, because teenagers are a long ways away for me at this point in life. However, I have wondered in the past about whether my husband and I will ever be able to manage our own teenagers, or even tolerate them, haha. Last night I suddenly realized that I will be in contact with teenagers in the nearer future tham I had thought, because in a year or so I will be teaching high school art. I realized that classroom management is crucial for a good learning environment, and I will probably have disrespectful students. I now want to go back to the videos we watched, because I think they teach a lot about having respect for your teens. Respect is one philosophy I want to have in my classroom, and I think taking lessons from the videos will directly relate to a class.

Bread-winners

I really like the discussions we have been having in class about who should be the earner in the family. I also enjoyed the comment about how it can be smart for couples to talk about every purchase they make, and counsel to find the best decision. I think the forgiveness is also important, because nobody is perfect with money. For example, a few months ago my husband paid rent, like he always does. However, a few days later we got an email saying that our rent check had bounced. Turns out he used an old checkbook from an account he had closed when we got a joint account. I could have been ticked off because of the late fee we had to pay, but I realized that he is only here to help our family, and it was a mistake that he probably was beating himself up for. So instead we laughed it off, paid the fee, and moved on with our lives. I think that however important money is for helping us provide food, shelter, and necessities of life, it still isn't more important than the relationships we have in the family.

Being a mom

Ever since I started my first semester of college, 4 years ago, I was clueless as to what career I wanted. I wasn't married, so school seemed like the next step for me. I gradually made my way to the art program here at school, got married, and FINALLY settled on a useful degree. I am planning on graduating with a degree in art education next fall. I have realized that my hesitancy towards choosing a career is due to my lack of desire to have a career. I have been so grateful for fridays discussion about being stay at home moms, because it gives me courage to stand up and say that that is what I believe is right. Before we were married I asked my husband how he felt about my future career, and if he would do his best to support our family if I chose to be a full time mom. He strongly agreed, which I was so thankful for, and that has been the plan ever since. I still am going to finish school, because even if I never become a full time teacher, education is still important and can be used anywhere. Plus, it is very smart to have a plan B, in case circumstances disable my husband from being able to work. All in all though I believe strongly that women need to be in the home with their children, and few exceptions should be made to that idea. However alluring extra income may seem, nothing makes up for a nurturing mother in the home.

Don't sweat the small stuff

This weeks topic has been a great reminder on how to approach hard times. One of the coping methods I have tried to employ in my everyday crisis (crises) (creiseis) is taking responsibility. I remember what I was younger and working my first job as a server, when things went wrong I would always blame someone or something else. If I forgot to deliver drinks to my tables it was because another server had asked me for help and I forgot all about my tables. If I was late getting my cleaning jobs done it was because someone else had made a big mess that took me longer to clean up. I was always the victim, and frankly I didn't do very well at that job. However, from that experience I learned the value of responsibility. Once I got to college I was tempted to use the old standby excuses like "I didn't have enough time" or "I totally forgot", as a way to justify why I hadn't gotten homework done. True, as students we sometimes are pressed for time, but I don't think anybody can't even manage to find the time to read a ten minute long paper. Its all how we percieve things. Once I understood that I was playing the victim and therefore making myself unable to progress at all, I chose to take accountability for everything that happened to me. By doing that I have been able to be more involved in my life and decisions, fully knowing what the consequences will be. I know that if we strive to use good coping skills in our every day lives, as well as times of crisis, we will be able to make it through more safely as families.

"The Talk"

Hi! Today after class, and last night while doing the reading, I kept having strong impressions that there is no set time when a parent should have "The Talk" with their kids. I believe that if a parent is in tune with the spirit, and has opened necessary communication lines with their kids, that they will be notified what and when they need to discuss certain things with their kids. Some children may need a whole lot of talking to, others not. Talking to kids about sex is all about being in the 'right place at the right time. I don't think its crazy to rely on the spirit to know when.

On another note, I really liked the things we learned concerning fidelity this week. My favorite thing I read was the quote that said, "The grass is greener....on the side of the fence you water."
I'll probably make a sign that says that and hang it in my house.

Words of a wise Bishop

Hey!
This week I have been reminded of something my husband's bishop said as he was counseling us prior to our wedding. He is a psychologist and teaches on campus, so we had an excellent interview. What struck me the most about what he said was that no matter what, your relationship with your spouse is the most important. This was weird to me, because I had always believed that once kids come along they should be your main area of focus. And to a point that is true, kids take more time than I understand right now. However, the bishop went on to explain that people change, and if we neglect to maintain a close relationship with our spouse during child rearing years that one day, when the kids all have moved out, we will not know our spouse at all. And when you think about it in an eternal perspective, the one you want to be with throughout all eternity should be your spouse, because they are the only one who won't have moved out and started their own family. This tied in super well for me with the powerpoint of Avoiding the Baby Blues. I'm glad it reaffirmed the parental relationship during the time of raising children. I hope I can be strong enough to maintain that relationship and be the best wife and mom I can be.

Dating my husband

So this week I think the biggest thing I realized is how much I have been hanging out with my husband opposed to dating. I think it is an easy misunderstanding that once you are married you don't really have to date anymore, but the dangers of "hanging out" are still present. We spend a lot of time sitting at home, in our sweats, doing homework, eating food, and watching the Office. However, from our discussions in class this week I have realized that these activities, although unavoidable when living in the same place, should also be supplemented with real planned dates. So we spent our Friday night eating yummy sandwiches at Gator Jacks and equally yummy blizzards at DQ. It felt a lot nicer to do something planned together, and it took our minds off of school for a little while, allowing opportunities to further our relationship and learn more about each other. So with that, I say to you all, DATE! No matter what stage of life you are in. Alright, toodles!

This week in class we discussed same sex attraction, and for the first time in my life I think I have a theory I believe in about it. After researching the ideas we talked about in class, I turned my focus onto the role I have and will play in the lives of other who are struggling with their sexual orientation. According to the ideas presented in class, people begin to be stigmatized from a young age by their peers, especially if they display gender atypical traits. I am guilty of judging people just by their actions. We all know it is important to avoid judging a book by its cover, but I now realize that in a lot of cases it is crucial to avoid it. In class we talked about how a parent should react to a child with different interests. The greatest thing discussed in class was to love and support your child no matter what. This doesn't mean you have to encourage them to a lifestyle you don't agree with, it means we must let our children know it is okay to be who they are, and having different interests doesn't make them gay. Avoiding labels with them is also something I feel strongly about. I am glad to have learned these valuable things, and hope that I can be a strong parent and raise happy, healthy kids one day.

Hey Mister, you got change?

First off, I just took a nap and it was awesome.

Ok, so this week when we read that article about the families who had immigrated from Mexico, and all the changes their family had to make, I kind of thought about my own family, and the changes in the family structures I have encountered, particularly since I have moved out and gotten married. (Im really not that narciscistic, I promise)

My "family of origin" lives about 3 hours south of here, in good ol' Preston Idaho. I am the oldest of 5 kids, the youngest is now 4. The distance from them didn't allow much time spent getting to know my husband when we were dating. However, we spent a lot of time with his family, who lives in Rexburg. Because my mom was far away, we did a lot of wedding planning over the phone, as well as on our own. She took care of the food and I did the decorations. I really didn't know exactly what she was doing for food until the day of the reception. And she did great. For decorations I really wanted to fold 1000 origami cranes to hang from the ceiling (think twice if you ever consider doing it, because it is sooo much work!) For some reason though I went through with the plan and ordered 1000 sheets of blue, orange, and grey paper from the internet. The next 5 months I got to spend a lot of time with my husbands family folding cranes, and we grew really close. I spent more time at their house than my apartment. I missed my parents and siblings a lot and it was nice to have my in-laws to hang out with. Now whenever we visit my parents I feel like my role has changed in that family, simply because in not around them as much anymore. I also feel like my in-laws have had to change their family structure to let go of their son, as well as let me into their family. I didn't have too hard of a time transitioning into the newest family, the one with me and my husband, but it has definately been interesting. I am thankful for the information I get from this class, and that it lets me see my family structures in an clearer light so I can understand and make the most of them.

Rules

This week we talked about "unspoken rules" within our families. I was amused when I compiled my list of rules from my childhood, as well as rules that have developed in my new family. My favorite rule growing up (favorite to remember anyways, at the time it was the worst) concerned control of the T.V. Basically the rule was that if you left the room while watching T.V. you would have to forfeit the remote to whoever entered the room before you got back. Usually this meant beat-downs between my younger brother and I. He liked Dragon Ball Z, I liked....well anything but that. I remember times when he would hide just outside of the room, waiting for me to leave for a drink or something, and then come zipping in right as I left. Ohhhh it made me so mad.

A rule we have between my husband and I deals with who has to drive the car when we are together. If we are going on a long drive, he usually drives there and I have to drive home. It's funny that we never really talked about making that an official rule, but almost always that is what is assumed. The same goes with shorted trips, if he drives to Horkleys I get to drive home. Somehow we always know whos turn it is.

I think that having unspoken rules is important because it gives structure to different subsystems, but it can also be bad because they might be understood differently by those involved. We must make sure our unspoken rules dont cause problems to anyone, in order to help families run more smoothly.

HOWDY!

Hey all, its Valory. This is the beginning post of my class blog. From it I hope to share the things I learn and also learn more about myself. For an intro, I am a 22 year old girl from Rexburg who loves my husband, art, and laughing. I've been married for almost 5 months to Ryker, a friend from high school and my best bud ever. I am starting my 5th year at BYUI and recently (very recently) switched my major to Art Ed (effects of the change will be discussed further into this post). Ryker is studying CIT and loves that. And that is us!


Ok, so on to the nitty gritty. This past week has been ridiculously stressful for me. Last weekend we headed to Preston, ID, for a family reunion, and on the way home we got talking about life and the future and blah blah blah, haha and all of a sudden I realized that once I graduated with my degree in integrated studio art I could see no realistic career choices. I remembered old dreams of wanting to be a teacher and suddenly it became clear that I needed to take the steps to do that. I felt good, Ryker felt good, and it was settled. The next morning I went to my advising office and got all the stuff I needed to petition for a major change (since I am currently at 95 credits) Im making this sound easier than it was. I was a ball of stress! Fortunately, thanks to the reading this week I was able to take advantage of the support my husband gives me. As found on page 17 of our book, I read that "a satisfying marriage provides you with a built in support system to help you deal with the varied challenges and struggles of your life." I loved being about to talk with Ryker and having him understand. I hope I can always remember to turn to him when things are tough, and work through trials together.
Alright! Thanks for reading! Talk to you soon!